Monday, June 15, 2020
I've sat down a few times now, attempting to write whatever this post is supposed to be... and have found my efforts to be lacking. But I guess perfection isn't really the goal.
It's been 3 weeks since I posted anything here. It's been 3 weeks since George Floyd was murdered. And I want to say something. But I'm afraid it'll be the wrong thing... But I won't be silent or complicit. Black Lives Matter. We have a major problem of racism, inequality, and injustice. I know whatever I say here certainly won't be perfect. But at least it will be something.
I know I'm not alone. I'm sickened. I'm sad. I'm sorry for my own part in racism. I'm so grateful to have expanded our circles to include so many wonderful and diverse friends in the last few years. Nothing can replace that joy.
But I also want to say: What the heck is our President doing? Why is he saying such awful things? What kind of world is it where racism and a pandemic are met with political divides? I mean, I'm very far from understanding politics on the whole... but I'm sad. I'm sad that we can't have honest conversation. I'm sad that we've dug our heels in and can't put ourselves in each other's shoes. I want us all to react like George Floyd was our son, our brother, our father. But I'm not seeing it. In some places, I'm not seeing compassion and love. I'm seeing people refusing to love because such-and-such or so-and-so is too this or not aligned with that. But it's also true that in other places, I am seeing compassion and love. It's not all hopeless. And I'm holding on to that.
I love the moment in Little Women when Beth defends Marmee to Jo. I can't remember the actual words, but it's something along the lines of, "Marmee fights in her own way." And it's true. Marmee worked hard to give her daughters freedom and purpose in a world where the "Woman's Place" was defined to the kitchen and having babies. Marmee was brave. And she stayed home with her four daughters. I thought of this as I stayed home and sent Brian to a Black Lives Matter protest at the US Embassy in Hamburg. I was fighting in my own way. Cooking dinner, nursing the baby, and showing Mr. Rogers to my daughter. I'm fighting in my own way, too.
The "tone" of this blog has always been the ridiculous and insignificant things of life. And hopefully you'll stick with me as I continue in this vein of... unimportant banter. Our life is full of the ordinary. And yes, this blog is ordinary and will continue to be so. But please know that I'm also striving to be Marmee. Striving to fight in my own way. And that means that I wanted to write this post for you. And that I want you to know that I'm still swimming in all of it, trying to find ways to listen, learn, and help. I'm really glad that there are places to continue learning about anti-racism, justice, equality, and how to support the good work. And I hope that you can do that, too. At the same time, I wanted to invite you to resume our totally ridiculous banter with me... and hopefully find some much-needed laughter and joy.
Sending my love.